Struggling
I am struggling.
From the outside, I doubt it’s very noticeable. I have two beautiful kids whom I love endlessly, an amazing and supportive partner with whom I run a small business that affords us two acres in the country, pays the bills, and keeps food on the table. I don’t experience any major oppression. Despite being queer, I’m in a straight passing relationship. I’m white. We have generational wealth.
And yet, I’m still struggling.
Even without the very real struggles faced by people in poverty, BIPOC people who have to battle for their freedoms, even those who have a 9-5 selling their bodies and labour for less than they’re worth… even without these oppressive forces, I struggle.
Today I met a new friend, one that I had connected with online but hadn’t had the chance to meet in person. She recognized me in line getting lemonade at the farmer’s market and introduced herself. We chatted while in line, she mentioned that she was enrolling her oldest in school in September because she couldn’t manage her fulltime business and fulltime childcare of her two kids. Online, I had been in awe of her business she had built, supporting local artists at her gallery. But when I saw the strain on her face admitting homeschool defeat, I could tell she was also struggling.
In truth, I think we all are.
I keep repeating the mantra to myself on tough days: “This is not how we were meant to live. This is not how we were meant to live.” It’s a gentle reminder that I’m doing the best I can with what I’ve got. What I’ve got - what we’ve all got - is isolation, endless grinding, climate collapse looming, and intense political divisiveness keeping us all distracted and stuck in our isolation, even if we have managed to avoid poverty, racism, sexism, homophobia, ableism, and transphobia.
I’m embarrassed that I’m struggling considering the endless hardships faced by the global majority. I’m actually ashamed of my privilege. It feels like a dirty secret that I don’t want others to know about. My shame and embarrassment adds to the struggle. We are not meant to live this way.
All this to say, you might feel like you are struggling too, regardless of your privilege or maybe even a little bit because of it. I don’t think we are alone. I think we’re all struggling, especially if you sit at the intersection of systemic oppression. But even if you don’t, don’t feel ashamed.
We are really not meant to live this way.