This describes so much of what I’ve been feeling and pondering. I think that I’ve had related feelings for years. With the timing of some of my kids having hit the young adult years and one only a couple of years away, coinciding with so many world happenings right now, both micro and macro and many of them interconnected, it’s on my mind that much more.
It’s interesting for me to hear their different perspectives. I picked my youngest son up from work tonight and we had such an interesting conversation, initiated by him, around time, money, slower living, family and community, shared resources - much of what you’ve written about in this post. I have another son who is wired to press forward in quite a driven way, so it’s interesting to see. I validate both because their way is coming largely from who they are as individuals - I can look back to infancy and clearly see the threads of different personalities playing out - but I’ve been observing the way extended family and society values one over the other and it’s hard.
There is another facet to this that comes to mind which is that intergenerational living, while more sensible in a whole host of ways, paradoxically can require a level of financial privilege/security at the outset. We have a very small, simple house (although a good-sized backyard) and we’ve creatively managed through the child and teen years, but if we were to live intergenerationally longer term, we would need to move and upgrade. We could figure it out longer term in our current space with one, possibly two adult children in times of necessity, but likely not more than that, so I guess number of children ties in too. I know people upgrade to accommodate living together with older parents or adult children, but it does mean that our adult children need to have been earning consistently and make a large degree of commitment, rather than in longer term student mode, engaging in creative or unpaid work, child-raising, etc. I’m not suggesting you’ve said otherwise - your fractional example of each person theoretically needing to work less would still be relevant to our situation. It’s just that it would need to be a financial decision committed to by a group of adults rather than us as parents welcoming adult children to come in and out or stay/ live as long as needed. It’s a different energy than the way I sometimes hear it talked about in unschooling circles. I guess I’ve just been reflecting that we don’t have the space and financial situation to let things flow and see where four kids find themselves in quite the same way that I often see written about/alluded to (not here). Of course much of this all ties in with capitalism ...
Maybe it’s a moot point as my older kids are making money and haven’t chosen to be longer term students anyway (two of them chose college, but with a clear end point for now, our oldest graduated) or even to necessarily engage in extended family living but these are thoughts I have. ☺️
Many of these thoughts are coming up in my paid work too with my deep concern for people’s housing security - wow. So, yes, lots of pieces weaving together! Thank you for a great read.
Awesome thoughts Erin. Yes, I agree that intergenerational living needs to be done with adult children in mind that can contribute to the whole. And it may not necessarily be 100% financial - if parents are able to get higher paying jobs or work additional hours, how could the kids contribute at home in a way that makes life easier for those working? As an extended students myself, I think the intention is usually to continue learning in a way that will lead to more opportunities for paid work in the future.
It's also cool to think about different personalities - I definitely wouldn't have wanted to live with my parents in my 20s but would definitely do so now (although they're not on board which is a whole other discussion!) so I think creating that sense of a "home base" where adult children could come back to once they've gone out and experienced more would be a good approach too.
This describes so much of what I’ve been feeling and pondering. I think that I’ve had related feelings for years. With the timing of some of my kids having hit the young adult years and one only a couple of years away, coinciding with so many world happenings right now, both micro and macro and many of them interconnected, it’s on my mind that much more.
It’s interesting for me to hear their different perspectives. I picked my youngest son up from work tonight and we had such an interesting conversation, initiated by him, around time, money, slower living, family and community, shared resources - much of what you’ve written about in this post. I have another son who is wired to press forward in quite a driven way, so it’s interesting to see. I validate both because their way is coming largely from who they are as individuals - I can look back to infancy and clearly see the threads of different personalities playing out - but I’ve been observing the way extended family and society values one over the other and it’s hard.
There is another facet to this that comes to mind which is that intergenerational living, while more sensible in a whole host of ways, paradoxically can require a level of financial privilege/security at the outset. We have a very small, simple house (although a good-sized backyard) and we’ve creatively managed through the child and teen years, but if we were to live intergenerationally longer term, we would need to move and upgrade. We could figure it out longer term in our current space with one, possibly two adult children in times of necessity, but likely not more than that, so I guess number of children ties in too. I know people upgrade to accommodate living together with older parents or adult children, but it does mean that our adult children need to have been earning consistently and make a large degree of commitment, rather than in longer term student mode, engaging in creative or unpaid work, child-raising, etc. I’m not suggesting you’ve said otherwise - your fractional example of each person theoretically needing to work less would still be relevant to our situation. It’s just that it would need to be a financial decision committed to by a group of adults rather than us as parents welcoming adult children to come in and out or stay/ live as long as needed. It’s a different energy than the way I sometimes hear it talked about in unschooling circles. I guess I’ve just been reflecting that we don’t have the space and financial situation to let things flow and see where four kids find themselves in quite the same way that I often see written about/alluded to (not here). Of course much of this all ties in with capitalism ...
Maybe it’s a moot point as my older kids are making money and haven’t chosen to be longer term students anyway (two of them chose college, but with a clear end point for now, our oldest graduated) or even to necessarily engage in extended family living but these are thoughts I have. ☺️
Many of these thoughts are coming up in my paid work too with my deep concern for people’s housing security - wow. So, yes, lots of pieces weaving together! Thank you for a great read.
Awesome thoughts Erin. Yes, I agree that intergenerational living needs to be done with adult children in mind that can contribute to the whole. And it may not necessarily be 100% financial - if parents are able to get higher paying jobs or work additional hours, how could the kids contribute at home in a way that makes life easier for those working? As an extended students myself, I think the intention is usually to continue learning in a way that will lead to more opportunities for paid work in the future.
It's also cool to think about different personalities - I definitely wouldn't have wanted to live with my parents in my 20s but would definitely do so now (although they're not on board which is a whole other discussion!) so I think creating that sense of a "home base" where adult children could come back to once they've gone out and experienced more would be a good approach too.