The Fog of Menopause

The lack of knowledge sharing and care around healthcare for folks with uteruses is gross.

I am coming out of the fog. It’s been 3-4 days of intense depression.

Welcome to menopause.

Menopause, perimenopause… I’m not sure what to call it because it’s named differently by different people. Most people don’t know because no one talks about it. But it’s huge and effects half the population of the planet, and it’s just wild that there aren’t more resources out there.

There’s a good chance that I’ve been experiencing symptoms of perimenopause for the last 5 years and didn’t know because my healthcare professionals didn’t know. I’ve gone for blood work, ultrasounds, visited naturopaths. No one even suggested it.

Sometimes my cycles have been intense; sometimes I float right through. But as I’ve entered the luteal phase this month (my spellcheck doesn’t even know the word luteal… ) I’ve been hit hard. Hot flashes. Night sweats. Waves of light cramping that remind me of going into labour. Sudden urges to cry for no reason. Depression. Wild, acute depression.

All the symptoms.

So it’s pretty clear now.

I am 43 years old, and aside from a few well-informed friends on Instagram, no one has talked to me about what menopause looks like. I saw a reel the other day (apparently the algorithm knows that I’m going through menopause even though I didn’t …) that explained why my hormonal levels are out of whack—apparently my body is working extra hard to ovulate, to get those last eggs moving through my body, and to do this, I have to release extra hormones. ChatGPT tells me there are five different hormones that all have to work together. During this time in my life, some increase, others decrease. It’s all a chaotic mess in there.

This will last somewhere between 4 and 10 years, the internet says.

That seems like a significant portion of a person’s life to be completely ignorant about. Maybe we need a high school health class for folks in their mid-30s so everyone can know what to expect.

At any rate, it’s very hard to write about anything else when you’re in the throes of things, but, holy shit, the state of things doesn’t help one’s mood improve. I’ve found that the only things that make me feel human are operating outside the status quo: Foraging root stock for the garden next year from the vacant block near my home; riding bikes with my kids down the vacant sidewalks on the side of busy roads; evening tea rituals with foraged herbs from the community garden and aforementioned vacant block (so much goldenrod!!).

If you are in the throes, perimenopause, depression, or otherwise, I send you my love and solidarity. You’re not alone; don’t be afraid to talk to others about how you feel. Heck, send me a DM if you need to chat. We need to talk about this stuff more. We need to talk about health more. Folks with uteruses (uteri?) need to know more about their bodies. Folks that provide health care for folks with uteruses (my spellcheck also doesn’t know the word uteruses) need to learn more and know more and share more.